The Thing That Never Happened
by Reibunbun
Summary: When they find Rurumu drunk, Sinbad and Ja'far decide to tease her and Hinahoho has to get involved when things escalate.


"I don't know how this happened but it's seriously amazing!" Sinbad breathed excitedly.

"Do you think we should tell Hinahoho or just….not do that…..?" The smirk on Ja'far's face was answer enough to his question.

Currently, they were watching Rurumu, who was pounding back alcohol and rambling to herself about being too stressed out to stay sober. When they'd first found her, they'd exchanged matching looks of shock and pinched themselves to be sure this was real. Actually, Sinbad pinched Ja'far, and Ja'far scowled and elbowed him in the side.

She turned around them after hearing them, and her mouth dropped into a little o shape. "You didn't see this…you're um…I got nothing but you didn't see this." She said guiltily. "This never happened and drinking is bad and shit"

Ja'far did a double take. "Wait…what was that just now?"

"Drinking is bad and shit?" She repeated, cocking her head to the side.

"You just said shit…" Ja'far breathed, a grin spreading on his face.

"Oh fuck." Rurumu cursed, realizing her mistake of cussing in front of her adoptive son.

"You just said the fuck word!" Ja'far exclaimed, not able to hold back his laughter then. "Holy shit this is amazing!"

"Ja'far! Watch your- oh fuck it just…never mention this again." She went to correct his language before giving up. "And Sinbad stop gawking like that you look like a drowning fish!"

Sinbad exchanged a mischievous glance with Ja'far a moment before nodding and stepping closer. Rurumu was obviously intoxicated enough to have lost her filter and since he'd likely never live to see another moment like this, he'd milk this for all it was worth.

"Okay but between you and Hinahoho which one of you is dominant?" He asked curiously.

"I'm dominant as fu-hey wait!" Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not in liberty to say." She'd caught herself too late of course, and she knew it. Pouting she returned to her drink. "You're just jealous because you're a slut and I'm a prudish mother and I still get more action than you."

Sinbad blinked and then burst out laughing. "Haha whatever helps you sleep at night granny!"

She stuck her tongue out at him and then hiccuped. "Wait what….granny? I don't have grandchildren….unless!" Turning to Ja'far then she teared up. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE PREGNANT!"

"I AM AN ADOLESCENT MALE WHAT THE FUCK, MOM?!"

She paused a moment then to process what she was actually thinking before nodding. "Oh yeah….never mind."

At this point Sinbad was laughing so hard his face was starting to match his hair and Ja'far was flushing. "Do I….look like a woman?" He asked curiously.

Rurumu shook her head. "No no…you're quite manly…or boyly? Like a man just…really tiny and cute."

Ja'far pouted. "Gee. Thanks."

There was silence a moment before Rurumu started tearing up again, and then crying.

"Are you okay?" Ja'far asked in concern.

She nodded, sniffling. "You're just so tiny!"

Ja'far scowled. "I'm not that small!"

Sinbad snickered. "Yes you are"

"Shut up Slutbad nobody asked you!" Ja'far exclaimed in retort.

"Yes. Sluts are bad." Rurumu nodded her approval and flashed a look of confusion when her companions started snickering. "What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing. Nothing." Sinbad said hastily. "So um…."

"How do you find the circumference of a sphere?!" Ja'far asked suddenly, causing the other two to stare in confusion. He was curious to see how well she could answer trivia questions while intoxicated, not that this information was useful or anything, he just needed to know for no particular reason.

"Fuck." Rurumu stopped to think. "I know this…uh…..shit I'm too drunk for this. Ask your mother."

"Rurumu you are my mother."

She started crying again then. "I'M SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU!"

Ja'far cringed and took a step back to separate him from what was soon to be a sentimental mess of hugs that may or may not crush all his bones if she wasn't careful. "Okay this is getting weird." he muttered. "Can you say fuck again? That was nice…"

…

By the time Hinahoho found his wife, she was surrounded by their friends, all asking her random questions and joking around with her. All except for Vittel, who'd grown worried and come to find him.

Sighing, he made his way towards her. "Rurumu…"

She turned then and smiled. "Hiiiinaaaaa!" Staggering towards him, she scooped him up and tried to spin him around like usual but ended up losing balance and sending the both of them to the floor. "This is fine…."

Hinahoho just sighed and pulled her up, holding her close. "How much did you even drink?"

"Eleven…teen..?"

"Okay. Bed time for you." He said before scooping her up and holding her bridal style, sagging a bit under her weight but managing not to drop her.

"The night's still young! Let's go make love under the stars!"

Ignoring the laughs from nearby, Hinaruru blushed. "Rurumu no!"

"Rurumu yes!"

"No!"

She started crying then. "IS THIS BECAUSE I'M NO LONGER YOUNG AND SEXY?!"

Hinahoho panicked a moment before kissing at her face. "No no sweetie, it's because you're drunk and will regret everything you said and did within the last few hours come morning…"

"Mm not drunk." She mumbled. "Drinking's for sluts I'm not a….I mean…..I could if you wanted me to be…."

"Okay! We're done here!" Flushing red he turned back to the others. "Can you say goodnight to your friends?"

"Goodnight to your friends!" She repeated enthusiastically and he just groaned.

Turning to the others he frowned. "As far as anyone ever is concerned….this did not happen."

They all nodded and as they all walked away Ja'far stood a moment, still feeling surreal. "She said the fuck word." He reminded himself, shaking his thoughts of validation off before walking away.


End file.
